He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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