I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
