Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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