Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
