We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Someone came in the potted fern
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
