You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
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No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
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The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize