I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
