Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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