Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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