Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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