Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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