you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
