He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
third nipple confirmed
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
