if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
