As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize