My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
