whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
