I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize