if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Randomize
