Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
