Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
