my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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