I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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