mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
