matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
True strength comes from lack of pants
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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