She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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