hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I smell stomach acid.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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