Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
