i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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