I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
