She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
