based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize