wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
it's great music for shaving your balls
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
