If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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