My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
