separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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