My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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