I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
