recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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