She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
