Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize