He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
