Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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