i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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