Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
