My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
