I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I think people are normalizing furries
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
