I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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