The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
