stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
