Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
