"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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