if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
