the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
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