Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
