If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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