you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
