The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
