Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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