Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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