i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
