I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
