New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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