Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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