thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
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Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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