rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
