So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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