I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
