You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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