And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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