We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
