Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
