just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
