please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
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