I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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