We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
