My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
