Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
