Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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