K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
