At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
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I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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